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Tuesday, October 25, 2016

I've tried

I've tried to forget you
believe me I have
on one night stands
and long romances
in a junkies fix
and alcohol induced chances

I've taken the road to nowhere
and boarded flights i can't remember
I've slept away the days
and spent days without sleeping
I've cried my nights to sleep
and I'm done weeping

but I can still remember the smell of your perfume
the silk of your caresses
the sound of the wind as it carried your voice
and the whisper of my heartbreak
as you left me

I've tried to forget you
believe me I have
I've lost myself in Paris
but the grey of it's skies
reminds me of the day we met
and I've walked the olden cities
but their pops of red remind me of your lips
and rain of your diamond blue eyes

I've come to realize
I can't forget you
 I will always love you
because I always have
but sometimes love is not enough

I know your looking out the window of some city
thinking of me too
I know that flower that came yesterday was yours
I know you've tried
like you promised your would
that you've tried to forget me

But I also know you can't

dangerous addiction

Love is a high strung feeling
always humble always willing
to let down it's guard

a mist over the city
a veil over your eyes
a pillow
to muffle the cries

love is a glorious beauty
and beauty is a dangerous addiction
that seldom ends in anything
but heart break
and blood
that taints your soul

it's a warm sensation
like gentle inebriation
that clouds your every thought

Love is words said late into the night
as she walked out the door
and you called her a whore
our of spite and sadness

it's a string of 'i'm sorries'
and rings over a summer breeze
because it's an addiction
like cocaine running through your veins

because your trying to
but never reach
the first high
everyone remembers

love is glorious beauty
and beauty is a dangerous addiction

it's wrong but it's all right
because she's your muse and your her goddess
and it's all madness
love is hope and despair

life's ironic aberration
instilled in sedation
and clear blue eyes





Thursday, January 7, 2016

Like coming home




"it was like coming back
almost like coming back home
but not quite
There were bits and odds missing
here and there
everywhere
it was exactly how I remembered
the mirror in the living room
and the piece on the mantle
still the same wallpaper in the  game room
and the same stillness of the place
perhaps it was that
that made me so uneasy
that the passing of the years
had seemed to skip this house
I had left and
and I could not fit back into this loophole
only the roses had dwindled down
since my grandmother passed
it was them who felt
the loneliness
them and no one else
no one until me
until I walked in"

No we're not the lucky ones ~


Aren’t you the lucky one?
She asked, truly believing the question was a compliment
Never expecting the outpour that awaited

No I don’t think I am
I don’t think any of us are
We’re the ones that have to live with loss
With that bitter emptiness of loosing someone dear
With disappointments and failures
We’re the ones always trying to make it seem like we’re fine
Because we have to
Because everyone expects us to be stronger than we are
No we’re not the lucky ones
We live with tears brimming on the edge
With broken hearts and lonely nights
We’re the broken ones trying to patch up everything else
We’re the ones that have to continue on whatever legacy we misguidedly believe
We’re the ones fights for every kind of equality, ones we didn’t even know existed, knowing we will never see them until we’re gone
We’re the in between generation, the halfway generation
The one where everything moves so fast and is gone so quickly
That you’re not sure if you’re ahead or behind
We’re the ones with unreachable expectations
That we have set on ourselves
From others
We’re the tired ones, exhausted from all we want and all we do and all we haven’t reached.
But we can’t stop, won’t stop, that’s called quitting
And we don't ever quit
We’re the ones stuck in some sort of fight to break glass ceilings and concrete walls
I’m not sure how it all started and I’m not sure where it will end
No we are not the lucky ones
We’re the ones that dry our own tears
And never let anyone see us cry
Because strong women don’t cry
And we have it all
So everyone can say we’re lucky
But that’s just how myths are created, is it not? 

Friday, December 25, 2015

She's a storm ~


She was a storm
Of quiet waters
And raging winds
Silencing the roaring flames
Putting out the fire

Controlled chaos
Races through her mind
And there is something
About her
That makes you know
She’s going to be great

She’s a stillness
Of the heart
When she puts her hand up
And it means she’s going to speak
There is power
Behind her ‘no’
And it makes perfect sense

She’s thunder in the dark
Raven hair
In a gold lit day
But she’s never afraid
Not in front of anyone

Because a storm is never afraid
Of the sun
That will dry her out
She knows
The clouds will always gather rain
And the storm knows
She will be back

Monday, December 21, 2015

these four walls ~


beyond these four walls
is a world that’s waiting
and facing it without you
is infuriating

beyond these four walls
and the paintings that reside
is a story
of all the times I cried
for you

beyond today, this time and place
is a haunting memory
of your pretty face

and I have loved you
since the day we met
and I will love you
until the last sunset

beyond these four walls
is all the mistakes I’ve made
a younger self
with all the cards displayed

beyond these four walls
is a story that’s been told
a complicated chronicle
fine champagne and marigold

beyond today,
 and the crystal tears
is a diamond studded
diary of my fears
without you

and I have loved you
since the day we met
and I will love you
until the last sunset

Today I’d like to pretend
that you don’t matter anymore
but I see you in the end
and I hold the very breath I’m taking
and I don’t know what to say
because my heart is breaking
at seeing you with someone else




Friday, November 27, 2015

Wicked

She had a wicked smile
And a broken heart 
And a rhythm all this while
Trying to hide it all

She didn't tell a soul
That she was falling apart 
Someone reached in
And tore her heart

Crying on the pain
Its silly but it kept her sane
A warning 
To never love again 

He was a keeper 
and she was a catch
And together they made a match
If she could have made him stay

He was a handsome 
And she was a doll
And together 
They could have made a home

But he was a wanderer 
And loyalty didn't run in her blood
And it's been so long
And it was so soon

She will always love him
Underneath that wicked smile
That she flashes
When it's one night