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Saturday, November 30, 2013

Winter

You saved me
When I found you
I cured all your injuries
And you healed all my wounds
We were perfect for each-other
Birds with broken wings
Waiting for the spring
To test out our flight
You sang to me your hopes
And I listened as I drew up all my dreams
We had big plans
You and I
For when the frost disappeared
We sipped our tea
And looked out the window
Soon the snow would stop
The white blanket of beauty would melt
And all we'd see would be
Gardens of lush green
But the winter took too long
Our mind forgot to fly
And even though our breaks all had healed
Long ago
Winter lasted on and on
And we never lived to see the spring



Friday, November 29, 2013

Queen

I'm a book lover,
a wine and paint girl
I'm a hiker
 a runner
 a slouch on the couch after work.
I'm a wine snob
 an apple cider fanatic
I'm a whiskey girl
with a coffee passion.
I'm borderline obsessive
with a tendency to over react.
I'm a dreamer,
a fairy tale believer,
 a happy ending skeptic,
a Queen without a crown
 I'm a country girl
with a big city upbringing
I'm a winter child,
a long walk on a cold beach,
snow storm in a cabin kind of woman.
I'm religious
with a stroke of rebel,
I'm depressive
I'm a survivor
I'm an only daughter
a memory collector
I'm a writer
with fears of being published
I'm an art critic
with a camera
I'm a lover
with many tricks up my sleeve
I'm a powerhouse
A stroke of independence
I'm in love with love
and all in all nostalgic of lost world

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Mine

There is a moment of startelement
When your own voice breaks the silence
And it's nowhere near what you imagined in your mind

That's how I felt when I brought her home
I could not wrap me head around the child in my arms
Such a tiny creature
Such a fragile life
Such a sleeping angel
So much of my heart

And all the time awasted
Waiting to call her mine
And all I ever wanted was wrapped up in her dreams

And suddenly my life 
Was lived only for her
I saw the years outstretch
Waiting for the moment
She'd call me mom for the first time

And all my life had been still
And even though I hadn't given life
She was my always and forever
Because she was always meant for me

Fuerte

He Visto 
El viento y tormenta
De la tierra 
Que hoy lamenta mi partida

Si puedes hoy romperme
Y tal vez 
La fatiga
Me haga caer

Pero me levantare 
Porque soy fuerte
Como la tierra
Del jardin de  la casa
Que dejé cuado aprendia a vivir

Fuerte como la historia
De guerra y gloria
De la patria donde naci

Y si hoy el llanto 
Es visible en mis ojos oscuros
Porque hoy fue 
Un dia muy duro
Mañana estare bien

Porque soy fuerte
Come el sol Azteca
Que acaricia la ciudad Misteca
De donde soy

Y soy fuerte
Como el grito de victoria
Que hace mucho tiempo
Nos dio la libertad

Y si hoy el llanto 
Es visible en mis ojos oscuros
Porque hoy fue 
Un dia muy duro
Mañana estare bien


Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Mother & Child



"I'm not sure when it started” she blurts as we sit in the darkness of her bedroom. 
“The need to protect someone. The feeling that I needed someone close, someone to call my own. To 
soothe, to foster, to cuddle at night. Someone who I'd love unconditionally, who I would not be afraid 
to give my whole heart to. I never wanted to, never thought I'd need to. And then one day I wanted to 
watch someone grow, to dry their tears, break their falls, and hear them call me mom,” she finishes.
“It seems silly now, as I say it to you,” she whispers almost wishing no one would hear her.
“It seems desperate, like the cry of a lonely woman
But it was more, it is more, it was giving everything
Every emotion, every smile and tender caress
It was holding life itself, the purest of emotions
Just needing someone to love me back.," she said her last words a hoarse whisper as tears pulled in her 
eyes for an instant before they fell into the abyss of time. 
I kept the silence because I had nothing to say.
 I knew her daughter loved her, but no words would make her believe me. The woman who stood besides me, was heartbroken. Not over a lover or a fairy-tale story but heartbroken nonetheless. Heartbroken in the worst possible way, because the child she raised had left with three words trailing behind her.."I hate you" ~  

Infectious

It was infectous
The way she touched me
I wanted 
Her hands pressing down my skin

I could not think a single thought
And it didn't matter where we had been
All that mattered was the now

Intoxicating her lips on mine
Soft and crimson red
Like burning fire on flesh

Her bleach white hands
Found each and every curve
A ragged breath escaped my silence

I could not make it stop
The relief crashes like ocean waves
To wash away the beating pain
Over and over all night

Lust and love 
A dready combination
I had been here before
I swore I'd never be here again

I cannot let her go
This agonazing aberration
Was it called loved?

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Scars

A thin line
Is an open wound
But every scar
Is a battle wound
Of wars we fought against ourselves

They might never fade
But they will always be
Gentle reminders
That we won
Against the darkness
That plaged our heart

A hidden masterpiece
Of a broken soul
A troubled mind
A moment and a blade
But we are strong
Like soldiers with a spade

Looking back
At the sweetness
The bitterness
And tears
And realize
Those scars
Signify we won

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Hurt

It hurts
You hurt
Enough for me to cry
As I walk in a crowded mall
It hurts
Physically hurts
Constricting my chest
Unable to breathe
Heartbreaking
The breaking of a heart
Nothing else I can think of
But this hurt
This unexplainable
Pain
Palpable pain
When I'm finally alone
Car door closed
And I'm shaking slightly
Sobbing
Not realizing all I had been holding
Loud gasps
And full blown tears
Tears that hurt
They hurt
You hurt
More than enough

Musings on Religion


She sat there rosary in her hand, shawl around her shoulders, tea on the table, just like her mother and grandmother had once sat, looking onto the Mexico of their memoirs. 

One simple word had more power than any love, any society, any tear. In the end faith won. That faith instilled in her childhood years, the one that haunted her thruought t out her life, the one that in her happiest moments cast a shadow. It had won because a Catholics faith is never gone, only lost, yearning to be found. It had won over a fateless love, just as her mother told her so. It had won because the fear of hell is always bigger, the loyalty to a parent is always present, and the promises to the Virgin Mary made on a childhood night never lets go. 


Sunday, November 17, 2013

Forgiveness

Forgive her
It's a conviction
She was wrong
Guilt written on her face

Sorry
Perhaps is not enough
But you have to try
Just this once

Forgiveness
An act of valor
That can change
Both lives

She's asking
For redemption
From the errors
Of the near past

Grant it
A pardon
Because we all
 make mistakes

We all wake up
With a moment
We weren't proud of
Narrated in our mind

Forgive her
Because you're kind



Thursday, November 14, 2013

Prodigal

I am her
The prodigal daughter
You've heard about

I've been lost
Roaming around
Running away

I've rejected
Each and every doctrine
Taught to me

I am the curious soul
That without warning
Wanders away from the light

I have laughed
And cried
All at the same time

And never have I given
A second thought
To all that I have done

I am her
the prodigal daughter
Returned home

Welcomed with open arms
And skeptic eyes
Gathering courage

I am her chastising myself
Preaching what I dismissed before
The prodigal daughter

Found herself
In God
At last

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Laughter


Claire leans in and whispers something into my her sisters ear. Without warning laughter cuts the silence, it’s explosive like I’ve never heard my mother laught before. It’s like a knife ripping through whatever somberness we had, it was zigzagging like fireworks. It was a loud, deep, honest laugh, it made her throw her head back, short black hair swaying as she bends slightly over and kept laughing. It cascades onto Claire who put her hands on Kora’s shoulder and stopped walking, her own hair falling on her face as she too laughed. Victoria turned to look at me and we could not graps what just happened, we laughed too, but we didn’t’ know why and then we laughed again, because they kept laughing. Afte a while, both drew deep gasps of air and Claire hugs my mother, so carefree and non challant that if you didn’t know them you’d swear they had always been best friends. Who knows maybe they had. Maybe it all drew up to this exact point in time.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

RED

This love of mine is angry
It's raw
It's  a heart on my hand
It's bleeding
crazy moment
It's fleeting

It's red spilling

Love of mine
You make me want to sin
This love of mine is
making me loose control
Push me against the wall
And take my soul
Whisper in my ear
Words of yonder ol'

It's purple gnawing at my fear

This love of mine is hurtful
It wants to have its way
Like sandpaper on my skin
Leaving a scar in my life

This love of mine is wicked 
Don't you know 
You're just a golden ticket 
For lust tonight


Please love of mine
Don't believe me
You're all I have
Don't leave me
Please love of mine stay

Friday, November 8, 2013

Darkness



Last night
darkness poured
like blood from a heart
Bright red darkness
almost burgundy
when it pools on the floor
tinting the whiteness of the marble
sticky the darkness clung to my soul

you said you didn’t want to hurt me
that it was for the best
I said I’d be okay
I just needed you to leave
broken
hearted
I lay on the bed

last night
the darkness spilled
like lies
from someone’s fiery red lips
Silent noises surrounded 
like  the silence that stills the dead
blinking in the blackness around me
I could not make out a streak of light

anger the only thing that kept me
feeling anything at all
hatred for the one that took you
but loving the sweet pain
of this torment
torment, that only
the broken hearted get to feel

Revenge sitting on my sleeve
Bitter like wine
as it sits on my tongue
Slowly
the darkness over takes me
like blood dripping from
an open wrist
danger
if you cut too deep
perhaps
my darling
That’s what I’m aiming for

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Promise

You must promise that you'll never give up
On this
You must promise that you'll never
Break this promise
But before you say
You do
I must tell you
I often loose control
I'm not used to being loved
The way you say you love me
I can be mean
And say hurtful things
I don't mean to say
And you must promise that you'll never leave
Because I'll ask you to stay
Don't make me beg you to stay
Because you are all I have
You must promise that I'll be locked in your heart
And that you'll hold me in your arms
When I fall apart
And pick up the pieces
I leave behind
This is that suffocating type of love
I am possessive and overbearing
Because I fear
Fear that this is all too good to be true
I will always want you
In ways I never thought possible
All of you and every piece of your soul
I am jealous and insecure
Because I love you so much more
Than I've ever loved
All I love always leaves
Don't make me beg you to stay
Because you are all I have