Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Love like this

I lost her to the war outside our walls
Raging mob
Of bleeding peasants fighting in the name
Of cruel masters
I lost her to the promise of heaven
And sin forgiven
I lost her to laws laid down by men pretending to be gods

I loved in a way you only love once
In the sense of being completed
In the promise of forever
And she loved me
I could see it in the breaking of her voice
And the pools of sadness in her eyes

I lost her to those that bring out morals
And beliefs of long ago
And I lost her to the raving words
That spilled from their chapped lips
I lost her to the promise of heaven
And sin forgiven

And I know I'll never find a love like this

Friday, December 26, 2014

Truths Hurt

Truths hurt
They pierce the softest layer of skin
Embed themselves in our bones
And trump the beating of our heart

They hurt
When someone gushes them out
Words tumbling from their lips
Like they were giving directions

Blood falls from their prickly wounds
Pristine droplets
Caused by the unadulterated truth
Shattering our perfect worlds

Truths hurt
Don't you know?
Be careful
When you demand the truth

They scrape at the inside of our guts
Raping the flush red skin
And leaving us to bleed
Yet, they never kill

Truths hurt
They force tears
At the edge of a precipice
But, you want to know

They leave a mark
Than can never be erased
A cattle mark
A suicide scar

They hurt
They break our soul
Shatter the visions of hope
I've never understood

How they say
The truth is always better
Think it twice
Before you rake the truth

Sometimes my dear
Ignorance is bliss
Sometimes my dear
I'd like to hide the truths in a kiss

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Miracle of light :: Christmas musings

It's always disappointing
The culmination of Christmas
Of our winter wonderlands
And merry little homes

It's heartbreaking
The harsh reality
Of a world that is not cloaked by lights

But we forgive it
Because every year
We have high hopes
And hope is what this is all about

We dress our homes in faith
Aided by twinkling lights
We invite kindness
And we believe

We believe in magic
Forgotten long ago

And in that magic
We see ourselves
As children
In our children
In every child
In the Christ child

And even thought the grey of the world
Begins to seep through the well guarded colors
Of the season
We know

Everything will be okay
We know the star will keep on shinning
And we wait hopeful
For another tomorrow
Another year
Another miracle
Of light


She was wild
Like the fire that burs in forests
Like the laughter of a child
She was unstoppable
Because she didn't care
She didn't fear
She loved
Intensely and without rules
Bound by an irrational passion to live

She was wild
Like the flowers growing
At the edge of the city
She was intriguing
Like the starry night
One found at that same edge
She took me by surprise
Like summer storms often do
And she left my life a mess
Like the wrath of that storm

She was undaunted
Because she took life as it came
She didn't do regrets
And she gave love
Without holding back
She loved me
Like lioness protect their pride
She loved me
Like the ocean loves the sea
But she loved me freely
Never demanding a tomorrow
Something I could not comprehend

She was alluring
Like expensive perfumes
And she was intoxicating
Like fine wine
And I was insatiable
Of her promises
Only she didn't give any
She only lived for today
For this love
For the moment
She was maddening
Because she wasn't willing to tie me down
And I could not cage her in
And I didn't like that I could loose her

So I did
I left her
Without knowing
Where all this madness would have taken us
She was wild
Like the fire that burns inside of us
She was free
Like the birds in the prairie
And she loved me
Like the gods we could not be at peace with

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

I hope she breaks your heart ...

I hope she hates to travel on short notice

And I hope she hates the smell of winter snow

I hope she doesn't enjoy reading or the taste of champagne

But most of all I hope she breaks your heart

So that you can feel the pain I feel today

I hope she dislikes Paris in the rain

I hope she hates to watch Christmas lights in the darkness

And listen to Ella on replay

I hope you miss me  when you find yourself alone on Christmas Eve

I hope she makes you stay for guilt

And that you want to call my name under her sheets

And above all I hope she breaks your heart

So that you call feel the pain I feel today

I hope you call me in the dead of night one day

So that I can say I'm glad you left

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

An Affair

It's going to be a secret
A moonlight kind of secret
A lock and bolt kind of secret

If we're going to have an affair
Let me lay down the rules
Not to be blinded by love
Like other fools

You may never call my name in public
And we will always part by sunrise
You should never look at me on the street
And we should never kiss to be wise

It's going to be a secret
The kind you never tell a soul
And take you're grave type of secret

If we're going to have an affair
It will be without expectations
There will be no talk of tomorrow
And we can leave without hesitation

No hope is allowed
If we're going to have an affair
We may not fall in love
Beyond a tender human care

It's only lust
If we're going to have an affair
I don't want to be your trust
And we may never leave these walls

The one that tears your soul apart
It's going to be a secret
When you part
That I fell in love with you

broken hearts that last forever ::

Hearts can be broken in so many ways. They scar and they heal and then they break again

They're built on hope, on relentless perseverance and foolish optimism.

But the truth is far less cheerful, and closer to the darkness.

Some of us are meant to have a broken heart, to fall in love with the wrong person and love them  for

all the right reasons.

We believe that we stand a chance against destiny, because they say they love us back. You see it in

their eyes, in the way they look at you, in the way they whisper words of nothing as the night closes in

and their warmth surround you. But we don't, we don't stand a chance, because we are just meant to

have broken hearts. Hearts can be broken for many reasons, they are delicate, they clatter like china,

and they never look the same. They are never able to love again. Hearts are broken for different people,

for friends, and dreams, and family. They break for disillusions, failures and betrayals; yet perhaps, the

hardest one to heal is the lovers that love you back but it just isn't the right time. It's not meant to be,

you both leave with broken hearts and a feeling of unsettlement. Some of us are meant to brood our

broken heart forever, because that love was so great, that there is no need for another one. The future is

lonely for those with broken hearts, that revel in the memory of the pain. Hearts break in many ways

and they don't always heal.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

The Eyes ::

It was her eyes

The first thing I noticed about her, across the room and apart from anything else. 
Her eyes shone brighter than any star.
 They shone like the moon on October nights.
I had always wondered why it was so hard to stare someone in the eyes, 

hard to hold the stare without looking away.
 But with her it wasn’t’ hard, it was like two old friends meeting after a long time. 
I didn’t want to get to know her because it was like I already knew her. 
I wanted to say ‘there you are’ instead of nice to meet you.
 I wanted to grab her hand and hold her, 
because when I saw her it was as if the nagging voice in my head finally stopped talking, 

the missing piece of my heart had been found

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Little Town

I used to know someone here
And in that house across the street
And in this place too
My best friend lived
And her mother
Was my mothers best friend too
This used to be a roller rink
And this used to be my town
And I was always around
Even strangers knew who I was
They asked me about my family
When I walked into the store
My how it all has changed
We were all children then
And now we're all grown up
Getting Benz, buying houses
And raising kids
It does't seem like it now
I feel like I was ten yesterday
Last carefree generation
The earth will see
Another friend lived right here
In number 106
I used to walk to her home
Because our mother's wouldn't let us use the phone
We didn't have self parking cars
And the ice caps weren't melting yet
No social media kept us in the loop
But we were happier then
In this little town
I used to call my own

Friday, November 7, 2014

But I like it ::

"I wish I could tell you all my secrets
I wish I could tell you every thought that runs through my head
The pressing feeling on my chest
              when I see your number flash on my phone
The smile that automatically spreads 
             on my face when I think of you
The falling, fleeting feeling 
                I have when I am about to see you 

I wish I could confide in you my fears
Each and every one them,
             my dreams, my hopes.
I want to tell you everything
The indecent images, 
             the mind boggling, lunatic thoughts 
All the times the demons have made me cry
I wish I could tell you how much 
                                   I used to hate myself
How good it felt to hurt,
                          but I don’t’ want to hurt anymore
I don’t want to hurt because of you
And loosing you is my biggest fear today
But so is keeping you
Because it goes against my plans
The untold plans that I also keep secret
The ones you have pulled out of me
Like you pull that smile
That I give to no one else
Like the way you’ve watched me cry
Like no one else has, 
                   wet hair, 
                             cuddled in the corner of the shower
I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me
How much  I love you
But I can’t
Because that too is a secret
I wish that if I told you
You could fix it
The erratic heartbeat when you touch me
That you would give me the perfect solution
To life’s biggest problems
One where you and I
Would ride of into the sunset
I would take it
I would do anything
Concoct  a magic potion,
                             a wicked spell
I’d kill the moon and steal a beating heart
But I cannot face the truths of my world
I cannot go against what is real
No my darling
I cannot tell you all my secrets
Because you would understand
And then you’d pity me
And then it would be your mission to save me
To save us
I cannot tell you the fears that invade me when dusk leaves
When the sun rises
Because I know you have them too
I know you understand
I know you love like I do
And you feel like I do
And you hate like I do
I know you can calm the rattling of my heart
                     against the cage of ribs
                                With a single kiss
Subtly placed on the pulse of my veins
And you can appease my raged breathing with the glitter of your eyes
I know you can
I don’t doubt it
You are like me
You understand me
And for that I cannot tell you
All my secrets
Although I wish I could
But I keep them secret
Instead I only mutter your name
And I kiss you until we loose our breath
     It's hard 
           But I like it" ~ AC

Friday, October 24, 2014

Strangely Free ::

I called her
Because I had no one else to call
She answered before the second ring
She was anxious
I never called so late
In fact I never called

“Come meet me” I asked
But the despair in my voice demanded
“Ill be right over” she said
No questions asked
She held me, when she arrived
Wrapped her arms around me
And hushed my sobs in an empty hospital hall
“I’m here” she said
And her long brown hair fell onto my face

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, “sorry about this morning”
She shook her head
“I’m sorry I told you I didn’t want to see you again”
“I forgot about it already” she smiled
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love her
If I said I hadn’t fallen in love with her hazel eyes and her pale skin
“have you eaten?” she said worried
I shook my head
She dragged me along to a random 24 hr joint
“I’m leaving” she blurter and she could not have picked a worse moment
“Out of town, getting a place two hours from here”
I nodded, “for the better”
“You can come visit””
“I’d rather not’ I said drinking the coffee laden with cream
“Perhaps I should have said this sooner, perhaps I should not say it at all,” she whispered.
I looked up, looked up at the fine lines by her lips, and the  few strands that stood out of her ember hair, lighter, wanting to be grey. I waited.
“When all this started I liked you, I liked you a lot, but you were just a game. I never would have guessed it would turn into this, I can see myself spending the rest of my life with you. Come with me, say yes and I’ll fix everything so we can be together”
Her words were healing, in a moment of uncertainty. I shook my head, “you mean you’ll leave him?”
She reached across the table to grab my black hair, “Yes”
“You know I can’t” I answered, “ I would not be completely happy and I would not make you happy”
“you can’t make a family with your family, I’m offering you a future, us, home, kids, a picket fence by the beach,” there was a vulnerability I had never seen on her.
“I would be lying if I said I didn’t love you” I started confessing for the first time in two years what I had always felt.
“But not enough?” she offered a sad smile.
“I love you enough, I can see myself with you. I can see us together for years to come. I can see this overly romantic scenario become real; however, my family means the world to me. Telling them the truth would break my mother’s heart, she would die”
“I understand” she said, “but remember I’ll always be there if you need anything”
I didn’t answer, instead I leaned in across the cheap Formica booth and kissed her.
She took me back to the hospital and left, because someone was waiting for her at home, that someone she would have to spend her days with now.
I waited for the doctor to arrive, mom was doing better. I sat alone in the chair, the coffee cup she had bought me still in my hands and I cried. I cried because I had let love walk away and yet I felt strangely free. 

Saturday, October 18, 2014


"Promise me,"  she said. The old woman in a hospital bed. Soft plied hand, grasping on to younger ones. Pleading eyes that once were brown, faded by the sting of time and blurred by the tint of tears.
"That I leave a legacy with you.
That you'll utter my name
So that I never die
Promise me
You'll be all I ever taught you
That you'll fight relentlessly
So that my life was worth it" she paused sensing an interruption, by the young daughter of her daughter standing on her side. She lifted her hands, barely moving an inch from the bed. Trying to smile in the haze of thoughts and signaling for silence. The young woman complies, knowing if not accepting that time is short.

"Promise me
You won't mourn my departure
But you'll celebrate
The memories we shared

Promise me
That you'll be happy
Like the happy girl
I raised you to be

Promise me
That you'll be faithful
And you'll trust
That God has it all under control

Promise me
That you'll remember
All these promises
You make today," mustering all her strength the old woman wipes away the tears staining firm cheeks in a face she once cradled.

"Promise me you'll never leave me" the young woman asks in turn for so many promises made.
"I promise my dear"
And they both know that it's true and it's a lie. That she's going to leave soon, very soon. The maker calls her home, and yet she'll never leave. There will always be a portrait of her dark curls and mystic smile. There will always be a memory to share with a stranger, and there will always be a poem to write about the woman who raised her to be, who she was today.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Victory ::

There are victories that don't feel like victories
You've won
But we were never meant to play

The truth is
At the end of the day
You're sitting alone
Glass of whiskey in your hand

Unsure of where you'll stand
Once you find the courage to get up
To question all you've compromised today

To save
What needed saving
Because it needed to be done

But at the end of the day
It sounds
Like you're heart is broken

It sounds like the victory
Is a sense of failing
A weak trial of triumph
In a race without rules

And for tonight you're tired
Too tired to think
Of anything but the
Whiskey in your hand

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Blue ::

I'm going to paint my life in blue
Like the rain that surrounds me
Because it's going to drown me
In a shallow pool of pain

I'm going to paint my life in blue
Like the silence of a snowflake
Upon a child's hand
LIke the loudness of the ocean
Crashing upon the sand

Like the clouds of my past
Dilly Dallying at last
Like the storms brewing in the distance
Of my future with you

I'm going to paint my life in blue
Like the tears that fall unwanted
From my blue eyes haunted
By your absence

Like the sparkling dress you wore
The first time we met
Like my heart will look when you press
Love out of it

I'm going to paint my life in blue
Like heaven should be
Because it's the only thing I want to see
When I'm done

Painting my life in blue

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Black heels

I lost hope the day he left

I stood at the door and watched him fade

I was hoping he'd turn around and run back to me

I was hoping it would be like a movie scene

But hoping doesn't meant it will be

He didn't even look back

And the city swallowed him whole

I stood there for a long time

Until dusk assaulted me

And tears dropped down like rain drops from the soul

Until I could not hold myself standing

I closed the door, and slid down to the floor

I cried like I had never cried before

Then I realized I was wearing the heels

He'd bought, the black ones that shone in the light

And a subtle smile drew my lips

I would be okay

I lost hope, but I still had my black heels

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Vulgarity never hurt nobody

She’s perfect
At night
When she takes of the day
Her hair spills on the side
And she bares
Her soul to me

I trace my hands
On the slim of her hips
And she hums to my rhythm
It’s been a long time
And she wavers between wanting to talk
And touching me

And she pushes inside
Without warning
And it’s taken so long
To feel this complete
I want to loose control
To call her name
Like a mantra on my lips

A religion of sorts
This her on my bed
 She’s a goddess
 and then tomorrow might come
And we might have to part
But I know she’s been mine

It’s love and it’s lust
Swirling in her eyes
As her head falls back
And she tells me not to stop

It’s reckless abandon
The way she comes undone
And promises untold
When it’s her turn on my skin

And I want her to stay
And I want her to say
She loves me too
She’s good at fucking you know
And it comes fast and steady
Cruel satisfaction
And words of love

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Fate & Broken wishes

You are like a breath of fresh air

In a tired routine

You're as real as it gets

No motioned pantomime

And I don't know where this goes

I don't know if we'll last

I don't know where your heart sways

Or what spell you cast

But I can tell you this

I've never loved anyone like you

And I've never been so raptured

By someone who

Couldn't give me a straight answer

And plays riddles with my heart

Someone who hides love in the shadows

As if we were a play of art

And it's so heartbreaking

And so appealing all the same

To want to give you up

And to want and play the game

You're a secret treasure

A precious gem to me

I want you always darling

Lustful wishes don't you see

Nights and stolen mornings

When you call and I go

And you make it up with gifts

Because you say, I'm expensive too

And you treat me like a princess

And always make me smile

But when you're not there my darling

It's a pretty wistful while

What shall I do?

How long do I wait

Where do I go?

What is to be our fate?

Tuesday, August 26, 2014


I’ve been living on a prayer
Waking up with the dawn of day
I made two cups of tea
Hoping you’d come back to me

I’ve been drying my tears
On my pillow cover
Telling myself this can’t be over
I’ve been holding out to the truth
Saying life can’t be so rude

But now I see it crystal clear
All I’d come to fear
You’ve moved on and I’m left alone and lost
Playing gracious host
To and empty life
With a ring and  a word to be your wife

Now, perhaps it’s all my fault
Didn’t now when to pull the reigns and halt
Let myself be lead
By pretty curls and lips of red
I was so confused
And now there is no use
I’ve lost myself along the way
And sorry is I’ve got to say

She was a vision, moment with no reason
And now my darling boy
Will you forgive the treason?

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Stories with no end

To finish the story
I'd like to finish the story
But I can't
Because you see
My darling reader
There is no end to this story
Life is too complicated to bind
Between the two pages of a hardcover
The eternal conflict of a writer
And an idealist
There are so many things that can go wrong
So many blunders, wrong turns in the road, mistaken nights, ripping our own heart and handing it over to someone who is bleeding just the same
I don't know what pushes us to do what we do. What is the reason behind climbing a mountain and taking one more drink.
I have vague ideas and scars that I am no longer ashamed to show
But not even I can tell you with clarity what caused them. 
Much less what others feel at the moment when the pain is deepest.
Yes, there is so much that can go wrong in this self-penned story
But there is so much that can go right.
Smiles and flowers and unexpected rains.
Frozen coffees with old friends, old school mates, old bosses and firm handshakes with new ones. 
There are dreams that come true, people who come and band aid our heart.
How do pick up the right pieces? 
So you see, I can't finish the story.
I don't know how to.
I don't know where the main character goes I don't know if they survive.
I don't know when thunder will strike or when April showers will calm the storm.
My story continues
Every story continues
Now and long before our time
Everytime someone murmurs our name
In every rose bush we planted and every seed we sowed.
That is how it is meant to be
And stories
Without end

Friday, August 15, 2014

Tragic and bad

I gave her my heart
Let her keep it at last

She broke my heart
And mended my life

She came in
Like an unexpected storm

But she stayed
Like the gentle breeze of summer nights

I let her keep my heart
Because it was complicated

I couldn't stay
And she had to go

But every time we said goodbye
She asks me to forgive

And I always give in

So I gave her my heart
Let her keep it at last

Promised I'd never love like I did her
I can't

Because she has my heart
And I have hers

It's romantic and sad
Tragic and bad

That we let others believe
For the sake of belief

But she always comes back
And I never say no

Friday, July 25, 2014

Passing Folly

All of this
Is a passing folly
I've no need
To worry
About it

I've been thinking it over
The life I lead

I'll just keep on rowing
Rowing to my dreams
And if life is going
Somewhere I'm not sure
I want to be

I've been thinking it over
All the things I do

All of this
Is a passing folly
I'll keep it all
 at bay

I've been thinking it over
And I don't want to do it

My dreams are bound to come
Down the stream
And up the sky
I'll get there
Because I will always try

I've been thinking it over
And I know
It is all
A passing folly

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

The other women ::

I want you to love me forever
But forever does not exist
I want you to wrap your arms around me
But the distance between us, gets in the way

And I'm left with nothing
But cocktail parties and black chiffon
Luxury leather for my new import car
And someone else's pity for being your wife
Your Hotel reservations made with some body else

And I don't like this arrangement
It's a tired game
And I take out my anger
Out on the town
It's a light affair that won't last the night
Sweet revenge
Isn't so sweet, and I've only got my old friend Jack

I want you to love me like you did from the start
But memories are vain
I wish that you'd use me as something more
Than a trophy on a shelf
But that's all you ever wanted from me

And I'm left with nothing
But condo's on a high rise
And a maid to clean up the mess
Transatlantic vacations
And a name on a card
And someone else's pity at being your wife
Your hotel reservations made with somebody else

And what do I know
I'm just the girl who married you
And I take out my anger
Out in the town
It's a light affair, it won't last the night
But you wouldn't notice either way
If I'm rolling the hundred to consume the white

And at the end of it all
I'm left with nothing
More than a dream
Of what I thought this could be
And someone else's pity for being your wife

All that money
And nothing to show for it

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Hazel Eyes

You were the first one
The first to take my heart
Against my consent
Took it out of my chest
And it felt strange to see it in your hands
But I would have given you anything, anyway
You and your hazel eyes
And your Earth-colored tone
You and your breaking smile

You can keep my heart
Safe in a box
In a hidden place
I don't want it back
I would have given it to you, anyway
You and your swaying curls
And your slender curves
You and your curt words

But you don't deserve to be a secret
You see, where I'm from you're forbidden
And I can't offer you a life
And you don't have a promise
Of a better world
But I will always love you
You and your red nails
And your soft lips
And your dark ways

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

The Darkness

There is something about darkness
That never seems to fade
Once you've reached the depth of darkness
Once you've known anger and hatred
Once you've been at the edge of death by your own hand
It will never disappear fully
Some say it makes the light all that stronger
That it makes redemption all the greater
We act proud and say we don't regret a thing
We trifle with fate and say that if we had the choice
We'd do it all again
We'd make every mistake, every heartbreak, every feeling of evil
But, the truth is we wouldn't 
We'd take pure, unadultered happiness
The happiness children feel before they know malice
Yet, we can't
The darkness is a powerful mistress 
Letting go
But never fully
There will alway be a trace of it, in the most repented soul
There will alway be a raging battle
Always a day that's filled with shadows
We say it makes for good comparisons
But the truth is we wish we'd never know it
We wished our paths had always traveled in light
There is something unforgiving about the darkness
It grips our souls forever, 
and we will never be just like the others

Sunday, July 13, 2014

I'll do it for you

Dress me in sadness that is all I have of you
And a box of belongings by the stairs
I'm leaving home, leaving this memory of you
Because you set my heart on fire
You showed me how to love again
You broke my walls
Let the light shine in
You chased away all the darkness from my past
And when people said you loved the wrong person
That I wasn't worthy of the green in your eyes
You'd hold me tight and say I was your home
I was your salvation
And in the deep of the night you'd confess you were afraid to grow addicted  to my smile, my body, my soul
Then you'd shake your head and laugh
Saying it all felt right in your heart
And in turn I'd whisper so softly no one else would be able to hear
That I loved you, I loved you more than I'd ever love anyone
That I'd give up my life to keep you safe
But death grew jealous and pried you from my arms
It grew lonely and called her angel back
And now darkness preys at the edge of my lands
There is a hurt in my heart that I'd never thought I'd feel
But I'll never go back to who I used to be before you
I'll do it for you, Because you loved me
I'll do it for you, Because you believed in me
I'll do it for you, Because you'd want me to be happy
I'll do it for you, Go out and lead the life we planned
I'll wipe the tears from eyes
And I'll be strong for you

Friday, July 11, 2014


What if I had met you before?

What if I had fallen in love with you first?

What if I've had the courage to follow you

To the end of the world

What of all the wasted time,

Life owes me so much of my life, with you

How do I ever get over that?

                                                What if's are frugal, my love

                                                 Destiny has a set plan
                                                It's all timed indeed

                                                What matters is that from now on

                                               Until the end of time

                                                In this world and any realm

                                                We are meant to be

What if our dreams are reality?

What if this reality is only a dream?

How do I know, which me is real?

How do I cope with the truth?

I'm never complete

I never know which side is right

And in the in-betweens

I never know which side of black I choose

                                                        Worry not, my dear

                                                         For in your dreams, I shall be there too

                                                        I know that you are mine

                                                         And I am yours

                                                        For every vow and every promise

                                                        I know I'll always be awake with you

Monday, July 7, 2014

Fine Champagne

She's fancy houses and fine champagne
 She's first class flights and old Paris hotels
 She's canopy beds and fashion shows
 You feel out of place like you just don't belong
 So you ask her if she'd leave it all for you
 And you know what she's going to say
 Before she even speaks
 Because someone like her
 Doesn't leave it all for someone like you
 She coddles in silence
 And caresses your face
 So it surprises you when she says 'yes'
 Today you decide to test her
 And ask her to follow you
 Into the real world
 Into gritty streets and end of the line
 Into nine to fives and four by fours
 And true to her world
 She takes your hand
 But this isn't a game
 And I can see
 You don't love her like she does you
 You don't look at her like she looks at you
 So you tell her the truth
 And her tears come silently
 She asks you go
 As she watches you leave
 At the end of her grand staircase
 She would have followed you to the end of the world
 And it might be too late
 When you realize it didn't matter where you lived
 That you too would change it all for her
 So you run as fast as you can
Trying to catch all the time that has gone by
 And you hope it's not too late
 But you find the staircase empty
 And the servants shake their head
 But she comes down a few moments later
 Surprise in her voice
 As you say she doesn't have to leave anything
 She listens quietly
 like scolded children often do
 And then the servants announce
 The bags are all packed
 And she traces the lines in your face
 Without a word
 She's gone

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Judgement Day

A speaker stood speaking to himself
In a room full of ghosts
A woman sat in a chair
Face in her hands
Tears in her eyes
There were lights everywhere
And people started filling in
The silence overpowered
I don't know how much of our story
Is written before we are born
But this is it
The moment we've been told
When our deepest secrets are thrown into the world
An old man stood by the door
Calling roll and casting stones

Remember that you said
It was fables all of it

This is judgement day
My darling

When we claim our sins
And pardons are handed out
If any, like expensive gifts
To all the socialites in the audience
The smell of incense
Steams and expands in the enclosure
The doors both lock
Bolts of hell and rays of heaven
It's too late to back out now
And the speaker is still speaking to himself
No one seems to listen
A little girl sits in the front row
Lips parted and eyes on him
The lonely speaker in a full room
The tap of fingers on the microphone
Seems to startle all the present souls
And here he reads
Each and every deed we've done
Good and bad
Red and gold
I don't know how much of our stories are written
Before we are born
But this is it
The moment we've been told
A woman intercedes for us
Pleading prayers of a mother

This is judgement day
My darling

Remember that you said
It was fables all of it?

Sunday, June 29, 2014

the remains of today

We will put away today

We will lay it to rest

With the setting of the sun

And the quieting of the sea

We will close our eyes

Until tomorrow

When we go on

With what remains of today

In the ruble of the storm

And the ashes of the fire

And the left over of our dreams

We will go on

Because we never give up

And we never falter

We just pause

We lay today to rest

Until tomorrow

When we go on

With what remains of today

Looking for treasure

In the depths of the sea

And looking for love

In the depths of your eyes

Today might have not gone my way

But I will continue tomorrow

With the shattered pieces of my heart

I will start anew

From the pile leftover today

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Fear of the unknown

"are you afraid?" 

"what's there to be afraid of?"


"afraid to forgive who?"




"why, I have nothing to forgive you "

"you do now"

"I would forgive you anything"

"don't speak without knowing"

"I know"

"you do?"

"about her?'

"I'm sorry"

"don't be, you're still here"

"she was beautiful and I was weak"

"but you are strong now"

"so do you?"

"do I what?"

"forgive me?"



"there is nothing to forgive you"

"I only love you"

"I know"

"do you?"

"I have always loved you and I will always love you"


"just don't betray me again"

"I won't"

"Are you afraid?"

"of what?"

"of failing?"


"I thought so"

"but I have you"


"I am not afraid anymore"


Monday, June 9, 2014

Purpose ::

The shadow pressed happiness out of my hands
It pried them open and took it away
It was hard to see
And the darkness pressed love out of my heart
It ran down my flesh and on the bed
Red and warm
My thoughts grew hazy
Like words before slumber
The lights grew dim
And it was hard to breathe
I wanted someone to save me
Because I still had a fight in me
Because it had taken me until that moment
To realize I wasn’t ready to be defeated
But I knew the house was empty
And silence fell
Like the quietude of a graveyard
The sounds were distant
Faint palpitations of a dying heart
I saw the end
And it wasn’t time
So I got up bleeding inside and out
I still have the scars
They will always be there
But the wounds have healed long ago
Never again shall darkness steal
Something that belongs to me
I have learned there is a purpose
And the purpose is to help you